World Cup and a rant ..

I haven’t written much since the Ashes series.

The one-day series in Australia didn’t excite me at all. 

This world cup has not excited me – and why would it?  It has been set up so that the top 8 teams are all but guaranteed of making the knock-out stages.  What was the point of the first 6 matches?  Not a lot as far as I can tell.  England did their best to make it exciting – although in all fairness to Ireland and Bangladesh, those boys pulled some simply phenomenal performances out … but at the end of the day, guess what, the top 8 qualify, and the TV rights are safe.

I am also no Ricky Ponting apologist.  I have continually read that he has been the Australian skipper for 9 year.  It doesn’t seem that long to me – but that may be because I still consider the test arena to be the be all …

I recently watched (under duress) Halle Barry’s Catwoman movie … half-way through Halle get’s “cat powers” from a magical cat.  Upon seeing the scene I remarked – “That is the WORST creation of superpowers EVER!” – and so far, the same applies to this world cup.  The worst confirmation of cricketing poweress ever … it was exciting in 2007 when Ireland knocked out Pakistan.  Imagine the scenes in the UK if Ireland’s victory this time around had done the same to England?  That win deserved to be rewarded, but it wasn’t.  Solely due to the TV rights and surrounding issues.

I love that the “minnows” are in the tournament, and the difference that they can make.  But with this set up, even a major amazing performance was not going to change the quarter finals.  All the big sides realised from the start that they had 8 warm up games, then 3 knock-out finals … and the best (or perhaps luckiest on the day) side would win the World Cup.

But that is not my main gripe with this World Cup.

Not even close – it was my initial gripe, but that was forgotten before it even started.

My biggest gripe is two-fold … it is the beatification of Sachin Tendulkar and the absolute be-deviling (sorry I don’t know the appropriate opposite of beatification) of Ricky Ponting – this includes the non-stop press efforts (in Australian and the UK) to destabilise and get rid of him, the Indian Cricket Boards attempt at getting him suspended, and the “courageous” CA Board member who secretly released information suggesting that Ricky’s days as Captain are over.

The case for Ricky was put much more eloquently than I could every try by Greg Baum a couple of days ago in The Age (http://www.theage.com.au/sport/cricket/not-the-messiah-hes-a-very-naughty-boy-20110317-1byxx.html) – unfortunately some of the comments didn’t understand the point that Mr Baum was making.  So I am going to try in a much more simple way.

Ricky Ponting is an out and out champion.  He is not the best captain I have seen play for Australia … he is not even the best captain I have played under – but he is the best bloke for the job in that team right now. 

The CA “mole” has really upset me for a number of reasons – firstly, that it was right that we should get rid of Ponting for Clarke so that “we can get the younger market, which is really important to the CA” … seriously?  I mean SERIOUSLY??  Clarke couldn’t skipper his way out of the fkn (sorry mum) harbour on a chartered yacht  And yet, he makes a few scores, gets through against a side that turned  up to play test cricket and didn’t give a toss about the one-day series, and lost the unloseable match against Sri Lanka is apparently the guy we should turn to.  Obviously his completely inept attempt with the test team has already been forgotten.

Oh … oh – let’s not forget – he has tats, he is popular with the “celebrity” ladies … clearly that is what will take the cricket world forward in Australia.  For goodness sake – I am thinking of proposing a show to ITV2 of Katie Price and Clarke getting together in Sydney nightspots…

Then there was the “box into the TV” incident.  In short, anyone who is criticising Ricky for “piffing” his box with an enormous amount of force towards his bag after being run out clearly hasn’t played cricket at ANY level, let alone for their country.  I played some reasonably serious cricket as a younger man, and then less serious as I got older.  I am a reasonable person most of the time, and in normal circumstances, am reasonably hard to rile up.  But EVERY SINGLE TIME I was out, I was pretty ropable.  Sometimes more than others, but smashing a box at a bag was probably the least of my sins. 

This bloke is the top cricketer in the nation.  He is (probably) the best cricketer for Australia of all time (apart, arguably, than Bradman) and he gets run out in a World Cup match, when he is fighting back from a pretty horrific (from a cricketer’s perspective due to its effect) injury … and he cracks the “sads”. 

So fkn (sorry mum again) what!!

In all honesty I prefer that he actually cares – even against Zimbabwe!

Most of that story eventuated from the Indian press … like lemmings the Australians followed.  There was talk of “proof that he smashed the TV with his bat” … nothing was ever made of this – why not?  And yet, this was what Ricky was called to account on in the MEDIA … in reality he did some minor damage to a TV, apologised immediately and paid for the repairs … but oh no, we have a Ricky out of control …

It gets worse … heaven forbid a bloke under the ball who has called for the catch, and then still manages to make the catch despite being pummelled into by the “shows heaps of talent, but hasn’t done anything, and wouldn’t be in the side if he was from Victoria at this point” kid tries to take an AFL style “speckie” – despite the repeated call by the bloke under it.  If I was Ricky, having taken that catch I would have reacted similarly.  If I was the skipper of a side (which I was for more than a decade) and saw a young “Turk” spoil an easy out with that tomfoolery – you wouldn’t want to know what I would have said to them … so a throw to the ground then move to celebrate …  he’s a better man than I!

Finally – so far in terms of the Ricky disgust – he didn’t walk when he knicked one … yeah … and?  There has been a lot of chat about his apparent “hypocrisy” for his blow up in Melbourne … the issue there was that Pieterson said he hit it, “hot spot” said there was a touch (after many hours of watching it became apparent to the Sky Commentary boys that it was pad that caused that) … HOWEVER, they thought they had him, KP was blowing steam as he does, and the big screen showed a nick … would you not be a little upset in such circumstances?  His behaviour was not acceptable, but in my opinion understandable.  He was told, and saw on the scoreboard that KP had hit it, and was annoyed that the video rep had determined otherwise.

But anyway – he hit it, he waited for the Umpire to make the call.  The umpire said not out. The Pakistani team called for a review, and he was given.  All good.  Ponting has had some pretty bad umpire calls in the past (bollocks LBW on debut when on 96, caught behind against Sri Lanka when his position was in question), as well as some good ones – so why not wait for the decision?  I am a walker, but I am not playing for my livelihood, for my country.  I have no problem with someone in that position waiting for a decision.

However try to tell that to the English or the Indians … or as it would appear the Australian public – which actually disgusts me.

Conversely – look at the “sainthood” that is being bestowed on Sachin for walking in a match that didn’t matter … I think he is the best talent and most amazing batsman that I have ever seen play the game – but I have seen him sit tight on a number of occasions when he was out.  I have seen him make up testimony (and that is based on his earlier testimony about the event) relating to the scumbad “badgi” when he racial abused Andrew Symonds.  I have seen him have hissy fits that are now apparently only undertaken by Ponting … that would be the same tour where the BCCI threatened to pull out of if they weren’t forgiven, and ultimately completely fkd (sorry 3^rd time mum) up Andrew Symonds …

Tendulkar is an amazing batsman.  He has undergone amazing amounts of pressure from his homeland and fans.  He is not a Saint, and he is not any different from Ponting in his desire to win and his desire to do well.

In short, I hope the Aussie team smash India, with Ponting scoring a ton and the CA bloke gets outsted … reality suggests that India will get over the line, Ricky will (after a “proper and fair” review) be quietly sidelined from the side … and we will start focusing on the T20 SHITE to get the “younger” market …

As a complete aside – what is Ian Chappel’s problem … (yeah I know there are heaps) with Afridi?

And finally – thank goodness the real stuff has come back – let’s go you good thing Pies (and a shout out to Mark Webber this weekend)!!

Record chase – ho hum …

This one-day series is like the winter over here – never [insert your favourite expletive here] ending! 

It was snowing again this morning.  Not the fun snow which gently floats, tenderly caressing you on its way to the ground, where it will sit and slowly build up so that sledging, snowmen and snow-fights can occur.  No, this was that rubbish kind.  The kind that switches from wet slush to hard icicles of death, and is accompanied by a 100 km/h wind.  That smashes into your face, and completely drenches you in moments.  I have a black eye just from trying to catch the bus this morning!

Then the sun came out.

This is how this one-day series is … the series is the violent, nasty snow and the sun is the end, or the World Cup, or the series in Sri Lanka in August, whichever you are more excited about.

Every man and his dog knows that a seven match series is AT THE VERY LEAST 2 matches, and probably 4 matches, too many.  England are tired, probably homesick, and they barely have enough fit men to take the field 3 months after landing on the Australian shores.  Their goal was to take the Ashes, these are just warm up games for the World Cup – the majority of this England one-day outfit won’t even be going to India!

I was over of this series pretty early on, and not much has changed.  I suppose that a run chase like that one should be positively recognised, and it was a good effort by the Australians (even if England were actually a bowler down), and a shame for Trott who batted extremely well.  But the match as an overall spectacle was boring.  Just because it was close IN THE END, doesn’t make the entire match a good one.

Someone called me last night, and mentioned that it was typical of Clarke that he would score runs when it didn’t matter and that he should still be dropped, and I readily agreed.  But I was wrong – not that he should be dropped as skipper never to return, I’m right about that – but about the match not mattering.  It matters.  When you play for Australia, in fact when you play ANY competitive sport, it ALWAY matters.  It is just that there are too many matches in this series.  But kudos to Clarke for seemingly coming out of his batting funk with 130-odd over his last 2 innings – although a little strange (and lucky) seeing him gamble with Johnno at 4!

However, as usual when Clarke is in charge, too much time was taken unnecessarily changing the field and chasing the last shot – it will be nice to see a bloke who actually knows what he is doing take the lead in the final dead dead rubber.

The match overran by over an hour … an HOUR … and the pitch was docile.

And yes I am a bit bitter about all of this (I must be as I’m not even going to comment on Watson yet again hitting 50 and going out – oh well, too late), the selectors and team have let me down.  They are capable of playing good cricket – but more often than not don’t.  They are more worried about their hair and make up than standing up and delivering.

Another explanation for this sudden outpouring of bitterness towards this side (apart from Clarke, Watson and others) was the show I saw last night.  Chasing the trophy 2007 – it was a nice piece about the 2007 World Cup – it showed that 300 kg policeman taking the wonder catch against India, it showed Ireland beating Pakistan, I say the Sri Lankans play aggressive, fun and exciting cricket and it showed one of the best one-day outfits systematically take apart and destroy each and every opponent time and time again.  Bowling South Africa out for 150 in the semi final a particular highlight.  (it also reminded me of the absolutely ridiculous finish to the tournament with Andrew Symonds bowling in the dark – which also made me wonder what the hell Clarke actually did to him a couple of years ago in Darwin). 

That side was a delight to watch – they attacked, they kept things happening, they were ahead of the game.  That side had Watson and Clarke in it, and I didn’t hate them.

This side plays like it is scared, five on the boundary from the earliest possible opportunity, allowing easy singles – and not really looking to attack.  This side will still win more than it loses, and a couple of good matches at the right time could see it win a fourth title in a row (although unlikely), but the game itself is not played in an interesting manner.  And with the structure of the tournament such that essentially the first 3 weeks will produce a lot of pointless, dull matches, one day cricket is in danger, perhaps even in peril. 

People talk about T20 being the answer – it isn’t – that is simply a slog fest for sponsors and people with little time to spare.  ODI’s don’t need to be like T20 matches to be good, they need to be played in the way that the Australian and Sri Lankan teams (in particular) of the2007 World Cup played.

Good luck to Cam White and his band of merry youngsters in the final match – my pre-series £10 on a 6-1 Australian result is in your hands!

Today I met a Princess

So, I met Princess Anne today.  She was nice, but not really interested in talking about the cricket.  I thought she might after the result this morning.  A match where this time, Shane Watson couldn’t rescue us.  This season’s AB medallist batted selfishly and slowly when the opposite was called for.  His batting was costly, but to be fair, the loss wasn’t totally his fault.  However, I digress, the Princess didn’t want to discuss the merits (or lack) of Shane Watson, nor that of the Australian captaincy, and she certainly wasn’t interested in discussing why Tremblett has missed World Cup selection.  And well, I don’t know anything about equestrian, so we really didn’t have anything to talk about.  She moved on quickly, and I thought naughty republican thoughts, and that was that.

So why did Australia lose today?  Was it that we couldn’t bowl on or outside off to Trott?  Yep, that was part of it.  Was it that Lee was smashed?  Yep, that was part of it.  Was it the lame shot offered by Marsh when forced to bat where the skipper should be batting?  Not so much.  Was it the disastrous, inept tactical display shown by the skipper followed by yet another failure with the bat?  Most likely.

Regardless, of this match, does it really matter that Australia is likely to win the one-day series?  Not at all.  Will it atone for the test series and give us some revenge?  Hell no.  Do I even care?  Not that much.

I did meet the Princess today, and she was nice.  But I didn’t ask her about the cricket, the Special Branch guy told me not to.  And when those blokes say something, it stays said.  So I said “good afternoon” and she said “hi” and moved on.  But secretly she wanted to tell me that Michael Clarke should be dropped by Royal decree.

Happy Australia day!

England consolidate, Australia try

After two days of this final test, I’m not entirely sure whether it is the Australian batsmen who are making England look good, or the bowlers making the attack look bad.

Hilfy batted extremely well, as did Johnson, but they are at 10 and 8 in the order for a reason.  Strauss’ tactic of allowing Johnson the single was puzzling.  It’s not like Hilfy was batting with Hussey for example. 

It is arguable that if England were offered 280 all out when they were asked to bowl they would have taken it, and they certainly would have taken it at 1/105, but at 8/189, not so much.

For the fourth time this series, Hilfy didn’t look like taking a wicket early doors.  I understand why Clarke opened up with Johnson – he scored runs, so clearly he was going to be dangerous early and take wickets. 

Actually I don’t buy that at all.  It is another example of something being “evident” because it is repeated so often.  Johnson is an opening bowler who can’t bowl with the new ball when he is in form.  That said, he looked the more dangerous of the two in their first spell.

Strauss and Cook, mostly Strauss, made Australia look ordinary early.  Before tea, the ball was consistently too short or too full, and I don’t recall seeing one play-and-miss.  I went to bed at tea, so I didn’t see the final session.  From what I have read, the wicket balls seemed to be good, and apparently Beer bowled solidly without success.

To return to my initial question, I think our bowling attack is OK.  Not great, but ok.  More of a McDermott/Hughes level.  Mostly serviceable, at times exciting, but overall they are never going to be Warne/McGrath special.

Our batting however is atrocious.  I have been writing since the Brisbane test that Clarke shouldn’t be in the XI.  He was very lucky to get away with his first shot at the crease, and nothing else he showed in his very brief stay did anything to change my mind as to his position in the side.  But he is captain now – go figure.  Yet, this is just one of the many confused and bemusing calls by Cricket Australia and the selectors this series. 

On a positive, I quite enjoyed Khawaja’s first, hopefully of many, test innings.  He was solid, he stood up straight, at times he played gorgeous shots and was technically reasonably sound.  He also managed, with his first hit, to raise the question as to why it has taken four tests for him to get his chance this series.

I’m really looking forward to watching him going forward.  One thing that we do need to be careful of is the habit of pouring on false praise.  At the time of writing, his 37 is fast becoming one of the most impressive and celebrated 37s in the history of the game!  Perhaps it was seeing a young fella come into the side and play with confidence, perhaps it is as a result of the rest of the batting line up playing like a club side all series, I don’t know. 

But I would like to see him find his feet.  There are others in this line up who have had phenomenal starts to their test career – better than a solid 37 (Ponting an unlucky 96, Clarke a big ton, for example) who have subsequently been “found out” and have been dropped before fighting their way back into the side.  Obviously I don’t want to see this happen to “Ussi”, but let’s give him a chance rather that writing the over-the-top plaudits for what was a good start to his career.

I’m not sure about him batting at 3.  There aren’t a lot of people who have come straight into 3 at test level and flourished.  Most learn their trade further down the order and work their way up (and in some cases back down again as well – S Waugh, perhaps Ponting?).  It goes to show the state of the side when they chuck a young gun in at 3 because no one else can do it!

Ussi also put paid to the rubbish being spouted by the selectors that Smith was one of the top 6 batsmen in the country.  As did the fact that he has been dropped down the order.  He is still batting a spot to high.

The selectors have really upset me so far this series.  Not only have they continued to make random and incorrect decisions on the make up of the side, but they have continuously spouted absolute rubbish to the public.  About the only thing that has been said by a selector that was accurate was that Clarke is not up to being skipper – not that it changed anything. 

The selectors (and CA, but that is a different matter) have been treating the Australian public with absolute disdain and a great deal of disrespect.  These are the people that pay their money into the gate (hell, even I am paying into the CA coffers while living overseas by keeping up various memberships), that attend games, that live and breath the ups and downs of the national team, that make it worthwhile for sponsors to invest.  I think we would all be a little happier if they were a little more honest, and a lot less ridiculous.

At the end of the day, it was a great effort by Johnson and Hilfy to get us up to 280.  It would be interesting to know whether England truly would have bowled first.  It was a big call to bat first, very tough early conditions that were dealt with extremely well by Watson and Hughes, right up until lunch.  We shall see how it plays out.

A couple of early wickets on day 3 could see a fairly exciting match, and also see Australia in a position close to even, which is not what has looked like happening at all.  Strange game this.

Sydney – hey, ho ..

Going into tonight’s game, I am less excited than I can remember ever having been in a match involving Australia.  I’m not sure whether it is because the best possible result would only see Australia tie the series, whether it is the team that has been selected, or whether it is the bloke that will be leading them out.

I am excited for Usman Khawaja  – I hope he smashes them around and that he is a mainstay in the side for years to come.  He looks a relaxed, technically correct, and exciting young cricketer – and has done since he first played for NSW.  I am a little surprised as to how much has been made of his background and religion.  I am one who doesn’t think it of importance at all, but headlines are headlines I guess.

I am still confounded by the selection of Michael Beer, who has done nothing to indicate that he will be a top class spinner.  I will wait to make my judgement, as better players than I obviously rate him, however, I am still struggling to grasp how 7 games with 16 wickets at 43.3 warrants selection and a baggy green.  He has done much less than the bloke he is replacing – Doherty, and significantly less than the bloke that should be in the side – Hauritz.

The scheduled rain has made a draw more likely – if Australia can avoid yet another collapse – and this would leave the result as 2-1 to England, the third time in four Ashes series.  A 3-1 result to England would probably be a fair one, one that shows the true differences in the way the two sides have played this series.  But fair and Ashes series don’t always go hand in hand.  Both the 2005 and 2009 series could or should have been 2-2, so it would be rather ironic if that was the result this time around.

I am not confident going into this match that it will last the full 5 days, or that Australia will be able to take the match, but I am hopeful.  I am hopeful that a young boy from NSW can do well (take your pick as to whom – there are plenty of options) and that an inexperienced Victorian can turn it.

The final curtain

This match, and series, has helped me develop a deep respect for English cricket fans.  They have had to watch, with despair no doubt, an insipid team with little heart and even less talent for a very long time.  Now, after 20-odd years they can play, and play well.  Well, they can against rubbish opposition.  Having watched some of the South Africa v India series, I doubt that this side will seriously challenge those sides, particularly with the fields Strauss sets, but they are good enough for our lot.  Much too good. 

Now I understand how it must have felt in ’89, ‘91/2, ’93, etc.  Basically never looking like winning, clearly having a team filled with individuals that should be struggling to consistently play in a first class team, let alone be untouchable in the test side.  Having to console yourself with the odd win, when a bloke suddenly turns up for a change.  Mitchell in Perth was very much like Devon Malcolm at the Oval … but I digress.

This match has made me angry, dispirited, and just plain upset and there wasn’t much I felt like writing about until about an hour into the Australian innings – and once again one guy managed to inspire me (surprisingly not Siddle, who has bowled with distinction and really shown what it means to him to be playing for his country on the MCG). 

If I didn’t know that people I liked and respected, people that really don’t like bad language, then I would be very tempted to drop a very nasty word, in fact many very nasty words, about Shane Watson.

What had started as a very positive, almost exciting, approach to an ultimately doomed position all came tumbling down due to another outrageously bad call by Watson.  Running Katich out for a diamond in Adelaide was bad, very bad.  Running out a kid, who has really been struggling, was fighting for his spot in the side, who actually started to find a bit of form for the first time this season was unforgivable.

I was chatting to a mate at the ground and he was livid, and got in touch with me just to vent his anger at Watson, suggesting that he may be doing that sort of thing on purpose! 

Then to top it all off, he does what he ALWAYS does, and went out timidly soon after a break soon after reaching his fifty.  Fifteen 50s and 2 hundreds is simply not good enough.

One thing that absolutely astounded me last night was when Clarke came out to bat, and the description offered of him was “out of form, but not a man playing for his place.”  All I could think of was why the devil not?

Especially now that it appears he will be given the honour of skippering Australia in Sydney.  Outrageous.  Clarke is short term – I have said over and over that he should have been dropped already this series, and instead, it looks like he is being rewarded by being promoted to captain.  Australia has always picked the best side, and then the best person in the side to captain the team – at least in my living memory.  What are we saying now if Clarke, a guy who shouldn’t even be playing, the captaincy?  Hildich and that mob really need to explain themselves, then get sacked!

I will name my thoughts on who should be named for the Sydney test side tomorrow to see what people think, but just for the record – how is Steve Smith, a guy who has scored 162 Shield runs this year at 32.40 with only one score over 50 in the top 6 batsmen in the country?  Even Marcus North has a better Shield record than that this year, and he has been pox.

So probably another hour, unless Johnson and Haddin can excite for a bit, then maybe we’ll get two, and the Ashes will be officially confirmed as staying with England for another 2.5 years. 

They have deserved to win and to win comfortably.

Boxing Day – better than Christmas

If I am honest, it doesn’t take much at this time of year to get me thinking about home, reminiscing a little, and potentially feeling a little home sick. 

Today, I read a brilliant article titled “Behind the Boxing Day buzz” by Will Brodie which got me there real quick.

http://www.theage.com.au/sport/cricket/behind-the-boxing-day-buzz-20101222-194zt.html

I don’t remember reading much of Will’s work prior to this article, but if this is typical of his work, then I am now a fan.  I thought he caught the excitement, the buzz, the anticipation and the general vibe of Melbournites and the Boxing Day Test absolutely perfectly.

I am young enough to not be able to remember there ever not being a Boxing Day Test match, but old enough to have been to most.  In the last 20-odd years I have been to every test at the ‘G, pretty much every day in fact.  However, for the third year in a row I won’t be there – and that makes me sad. 

I have sat through 5 hours of rain to catch that 40 minutes against South Africa, I saw Mark Taylor dominate Wasim and Waqar, I saw Border score his first ton in years against the West Indies, I saw Warnie take his hat-trick and Flemming just miss one, I saw Waugh guide the tail, I’ve seen Merv wind up the crowd.  I could go on and on.

I remember feeling extremely self-conscious as a kid screaming out to Merv for a wave, and then the proudness and joy when he did!  I’ve chatted to Warnie outside.  I’ve been in the rooms and had a bowl at the indoor nets.

I’ve watched from the old Southern Stand, from the Olympic stand, from the Northern stand, from the members and even once from a corporate box.

I’ve been with my family, with mates, with colleagues, while networking, on dates and by myself.

I’ve been sober, I’ve been inebriated, I’ve been somewhere in between, I’ve eaten, I’ve not.

But above all – I’ve loved every second of it all.

There is something that is truly magical about the Boxing Day Test at the MCG.  It manages to combine the very best of a glorious sport, a celebratory time of year and the best sporting stadium in the world.

I have seen tests live at every ground in Australia (except Darwin) and quite a few in the UK, and I have loved each and every one.  But none has quite touched me in the same way as when you walk into the MCG on Boxing Day.

That feeling when you walk into the stadium with 90,000 others – although if I am honest, I used to walk through Yarra Park past the MCG to work most days for a while, and I kind of got that feeling about the ‘G every time – is great.  It’s one of excitement, of anticipation, of just plain happiness.  The chat with random strangers, the roar as they come out – it is just awesome.

A comment to the article by The Richmond Camel probably sums up what I am trying to say best: “[Cricket] punctuates your summer … it renews friendships … it affirms that all in life is well.”

Yes Richmond Camel – it sure does.

Enjoy Boxing Day – I’ll be there in spirit, and watching all night long.

However

If Ponting misses this match it will be because of injuries sustained from knocking Watson’s block off – quite appropriately as it turns out.  It was disgusting when Watson led the media charge last year to replace Hughes as the test opener.  His none-too-subtle attempt to put himself up as Ponting’s imminent replacement right now is even worse.  I refuse to write about him in detail two pieces in a row, so that is all I will say about it for now.

I have applied to the Home Office for English naturalisation papers just in case.

Handbags at ten paces

I’m a little confused about all the talk about the sledging at the moment.  Personally, I have never been a fan of the outright abuse as part of sledging – although it never really bothered me when on the receiving end while batting.  Being continuously called a “fat c&^%” kind of loses its effect after the two or three hundredth time. 

I also don’t like send-offs – they are unnecessary.  As anyone who has played the game at any level knows, you really don’t need any reminding when you go out – it doesn’t matter if you have scored a ton or a first ball duck, those moments (which last quite a bit longer for some) from the second you are dismissed are pretty bad.  There are a plethora of emotions flowing at that point, there is disappointment, anger, remorse and in most cases, some more anger.  The “victorious” bowler/fielding team can celebrate without rubbing this in.  It’s bad form, and says a lot about your character – a lot that I don’t like.  So that’s why I wasn’t very impressed with Anderson on day one – or Siddle on day two.

That said, these guys are all grown (professional sporting) men, well paid and are playing for the Ashes – what’s the problem?  So long as they stay away from the racial vilification, sexual discrimination and that sort of thing, what’s the problem and why all the flap?  Bit of a nothing issue to me. 

I have always been a fan of the amusing sledge, something clever that makes you laugh in the field, and hopefully draws the batsman in, gets him talking, laughing, losing concentration.  In my teams, the best sledges of this type were always rewarded with a cold one at the end of the day. 

So what have we got here?  Pieterson asked for Johnson’s phone number and wants to be friends after the series – gee whiz, great banter that – really funny, distracting stuff!  I don’t know whether I would be more flattered or insulted if big Kev asked for my number.  I certainly wouldn’t be telling the press that I thought he was a little bit cheeky!

My impression of Johnson generally is that he really struggles to get the nastiness usually associated with Australian fast bowlers.  He just doesn’t have the natural mean streak of greats of the past.  He is more laid back, more monotonal, more like a stoned surfer than a bile spitting venomous aggressive snarling beast.  Jimmy is trying to get some more of that (and I am actually enjoying watching him try), Broad has it – but it is often misplaced, and usually comes across as a spoilt rich kid throwing his toys out of the pram when he doesn’t get the newest, flashiest game for his Play Station.  Siddle and Harris have it, Johnson does not.  Steyn has it the most.

It would seem that whether it was Jimmy’s words on day one, his general lack of being able to produce quality bowling, or maybe just having to hang out in Perth for a week, Mitchell has decided to release the beast within.  And so he did – apparently.  At least he thought he did.  There’s no question that he did that with his actual bowling (although why would you tell the press that the swing was an accident?  If that is the truth, shut up.  If you are trying to play mind games, don’t bother – it’s lame, arrogant, and won’t work).  But what about his on-field bristle?  Mitch felt he was pretty fiery, getting in the face of the Englishmen, and basically sledging them out. 

Well, so he would have thought. 

I am really struggling to write the next sentence. 

For as long has he has been playing I have kind of despised Ian Bell.  He was just so dam annoying.  He had all the natural talent in the world, it was all so easy for him, and he just couldn’t do it.  He seemed to be more impressed with a mirror than with scoring runs.  He was a flat track bully who was happy to smash the kids from Bangladesh all over the shop, but when he started playing against the men, he didn’t show up.  Well he did, and his ridiculously good talent did, but hard work seemed to be one step too much.  If he wasn’t getting a couple of “four” balls an over which he could slap around with his eyes closed, then it was too hard.  He was a cricketer who had got there too easily, and was lazy.  Of course there is an element of jealousy there, who didn’t want to pull on a (in my case) baggy green with that little actual work and effort?  And he seemed like a bit of a posh, pretty-boy, silver-spooned tosser. 

Well, now, I am actually starting to like him.  I am enjoying watching him bat, a little too much for an Australian to be honest.  Give me hours of Bell, the Bell of this series obviously, instead of Cook, Strauss or Trott any day of … well, ever really.

And then in response to Johnson’s posturing he comes out with this: “I didn’t realise it was all kicking off like that … we thought there was a bit of banter going on, but I didn’t realise Johnson was quite in our faces as probably what he thinks he was.”

Now that is a sledge.

Despite my every impulse, I’m really am starting to like Ian Bell.

In terms of the match, it was very solid batting by Watson and Hussey.  A shame for Watson that he (inevitably) went out to a straight one in the 90s (again).  He probably deserved a ton today, but that is what he does.  He scores fifties.  Alan Border went through a period of about 4 years without a ton, but still averaged 50-odd.  Watson is no Alan Border, but he is averaging 50 as an opener.

Huss is playing a blinder of a series.

Despite a much better total score, Australia still did what Australia has been doing of late, and didn’t really bat that well.  There were some indescribably bad, and inexplicable shots played.  As well as some get out shots that were just poor.  Australia is in a good position, a very good position, but they still have a fair bit of work to do.

Strauss and England did what they do when they are under pressure, and dropped their heads in the field.  They even started to drop some catches.  Field positions were questionable, and they hardly used their best bowler.  Strauss hasn’t really shone as skipper when it comes to tactics and whatnot, but has gotten away with it because the team have been good (and Australia have been that bad).  It would be interesting to honestly compare Ponting and Strauss in this regard … perhaps I will over Christmas.

Surely the best moment of the day, for an Australian, was watching the night-watchman refuse a single off the penultimate ball, only to watch the recognised batsman go out on the final delivery.  Classic stuff, gold in fact.

Some good bowling and indifferent batting has left Australia in a very strong position going into day 4.  The English tail is a little longer than it was a week ago, and all things being equal, Boxing Day is going to have one hell of a good crowd and an atmosphere more like an AFL Grand Final.  All things being equal.

Final thoughts …

I will be interested to see the general press position on the fact that this big turn-around in form etc., for England coincides with the arrival of the WAGS and families. 

It was interesting to see Michael Clarke holed up with one Greg Chappell for an hour or so this morning.  The body language was pretty bad from Clarke, and extremely supportive from Chappell.  If looks are anything to go by, Clarke will be playing in Melbourne.  Mistake.

Has anyone else been following the India/South Africa series?  I watched the highlights from the first session this morning.  Wow – South Africa look pretty good, and India are struggling.  AB de Villiers was absolutely sensational.  They actually didn’t have to show a highlights reel – his entire innings was a dam highlight. A ton (and counting) off about 70 balls.  Kallis was Kallis.  India will struggle to save the match or make SA bat again –  a strong start in top of the table clash.

Pun o’clock?

I have tried to start this piece about four times, and I just keep getting stuck.  It’s not because it’s a hard piece to write – in fact the selectors have made it way too easy.  It’s pun-heaven.  I woke up to an inbox full of funny references to beer, and I had no idea why.  My first thoughts were the discussions back home over where to head for Friday drinks had gotten out of hand … but then when the jovial beery references turned to outrage, anger and threats of violence, I realised that something was amiss.

It was on my 15^th email that I finally realised that the selectors are actually evil robots programmed by the likes of Michael McIntyre and other similarly unfunny English comedians.  That or they were dropped on their heads a few too many times as children.  Maybe the vegetables have finally turned Greg Chappell mad.  I don’t know, all I do know is that Merv Hughes is suddenly quite grateful to be concentrating on his tours having been dumped as a selector – no one wants their name to this.

My favourite email was probably the story that Boonie was asking for a beer, not suggesting he be selected, or the proposed headline “Australians turn to beer after Adelaide thrashing” … not clever, not hard, but amusing.

I have nothing against the boy personally, in fact he’d never crossed my radar – and why would he have?  A struggling Melbourne park cricketer heads over to Perth to make a go of it, plays a few games, gets absolutely smoked most times, takes 16 wickets at near enough to 40.  But let’s get him in, because KP hates left arm orthodox.  For the record, according to cricinfo, Beer’s first class record is:

• 5 Matches
• 1065 balls (they don’t do overs anymore)
• 639 runs
• 16 wickets
• Average of 39.93
• Economy rate of 3.60
• Strike rate of 66.5
• Best figures of 3/39 in an innings, and 5/207 in a match.

Oh, he is averaging a sensational 3.5 with the bat with a highest score of 6.  Because what we really needed was to lengthen the tail.

I wish him the best of luck – but a spinner hasn’t debuted with such rubbish first class figures since Ashley Giles!  No, that’s a little unfair, Giles was better than that.

I feel for Hauritz – there is really nothing else to say, other than I hope he enjoyed his binge drinking test retirement party last night.

Smith for North is interesting – like for like I guess, inconsistent batsman and a decent “5^th bowler” spinner.

The other questionable (although entirely unsurprising) decision, was to dump Doug the rug, while picking Johnson and Hilfenhaus in the squad (one of which, and possibly both, will play) when neither have played a competitive match since their axing after Brisbane. 

How is Ponting going to keep a straight face when asked about the team selections in the pre-Test interviews?  I’m pretty sure that if he is towing the party line this time, the word “excited” will come up a lot.

For once I am lost for words and I’ve got nothing to give on this … just nothing.

The selectors are on crack.

Although, it was nice to see the second string Victorian boys do in 38 balls what took Australia 697 balls to do in Brisbane and Adelaide – get Cook out once.  Good stuff!

On another note – following on from Warne the saviour – in an on-line poll from a major newspaper in Australia, 70% (out of over 25,000 respondents) of people think that Warne should return and be given the test captaincy! 

Wow … today is just a “wow” day for Australian cricket – and not in a Gilly smashing a ton in 58 balls kind of wow.

Warne the saviour? Punter on the out? FIFA and snow.

It’s cold.

It’s so cold, that when you open the door to head outside, the chill slaps you so hard about the head that you want to run crying off to your mother – well not me because I’m hard – but for most people.  There is snow piled up every where, but at least it is not wet (yet)!  Not like Melbourne is now, or Adelaide has been since about 45 minutes after the Australians capitulated on Tuesday (yeah I am over my magnanimous position towards England from the other day – but they were still clearly the better team).  But anyway, as Billy Connolly famously said, there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothes – so as I trudged through the snow to work, wrapped up in an overcoat, a beenie and my AFL (technically it’s from the original VFL) scarf – go pies – I got to thinking about things. 

There was politics, there was those crazy student rampages across the UK, sorry student “protests”, the unbelievable FIFA decision recently about the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, obviously the cricket, and various other sports,  and whether it was possible to just follow and write about sport all the time rather than be trudging through the snow just thinking about it! 

Thus, instead of just commenting on the cricket today, I thought I would have a general rant about a number of things, however I’ll start with the cricket for the sake of consistency.

1/ Warnie, flights and the UK

As predicted (not that it was a particularly hard prediction to make, so I’m not patting myself on the back too much) in “One-nil to the Eng-GER-Land and other stuff” on Tuesday, the calls for Warne to return and save Australia have come thick and fast.  Articles on cricinfo, in all the leading Australian papers, most of the English papers, there is even a website dedicated to it – www.bringwarneback.com – the site invites people to donate to a fund that will be paid to Warne if he comes back and plays in a test match during this Ashes series.  Personally I think he would be more impressed if they offered him poker tournament buy-ins rather than pure cash, but nevertheless it is there.  There is some inconsistent and conflicting information out there about the man’s actual response, he has played it cool on his Twitter account, pretending to know nothing about it when he landed in London to do some promotion for his new talk show.

Umm, can I just interrupt this by asking what the hell?  So Warnie is contracted to channel 9 in AUSTRALIA to do 5 hour-long Parkinson-style talk shows, that is shown ONLY in AUSTRALIA (unless there has suddenly been an international syndication that I don’t know about, or channel 5 UK has bought it based solely on it being Australian to go along with Neighbours and Home & Away) … and to promote this show, he FLIES all the way to London to “do some interviews” (I’m thinking that he may soon be about to receive an Ethiad sponsorship given the amount he has been plugging them).  There are a couple of things wrong here.  Firstly, unless the show is being screened here, why is he promoting it in the UK.  Secondly, is it not possible for him to do the interviews from a studio in Australia, thus saving the unnecessary flights, jet-lag, costs etc.?  And finally, shouldn’t he be in Perth training for his imminent return to the team?  I’m not serious about that final one, I think there is some EPT event that he wants to play or something like that.

However, despite the man himself saying he knows nothing, there is plenty of talk in Australia to suggest that he is open to the idea of a come-back, but only if he is also made Australian captain.  Talk about a cat prowling amongst the pigeons!

Clearly Warne has one of the best tactical cricket brains in living memory, and he was probably unlucky never to “wear the armband” in tests during his career – untimely liaisons with News of the World paid prostitutes predominantly put an end to that dream.  Would he get more out of this side than Punter?  Would he be able to get in the minds of the English team?  Would he be able to consistently land it on a 5 cent piece?  Is he fit enough to play 5-day cricket?  Who knows, my gut says no, although it is all a waste of time thinking about it, as he will not play.

What Cricket Australia should do though, is to contract him in to spend some serious coaching time with Smith in particular (and other potential spinners) from the moment he gets back into Australia, leading up to the Melbourne and Sydney tests, where it might be beneficial for Australia to play two spinners.  Smith would also enable Australia to play 5 bowlers.  Cam White should also be included in these clinics – if he can get some confidence in his bowling again, surely he can add to his 4 test appearances!

2/ Punter

I have noticed a lot of talk about Punter being stripped of the captaincy should he be in charge of a third Ashes loss.  No Australian captain has ever lost the Ashes three times.  Most comments seem to automatically assume that Michael Clarke will be asked to take the reins should Australia again lose (which at the moment is looking the likely result – although don’t completely write them off just yet).  However, apparently Clarke does not want it if Punter is still playing, and Punter has no plans to retire.  This raises a number of issues for me. 

Is Andrew Hilditch going to send Punter a gold watch at the end of this series and just stop selecting him?  Although, clearly not in top form so far this series (could this have anything to do with preparation?), Ponting is still the best talent in the line up, so this world be a massive call.  I remember when Alan Border was told enough was enough after the 1994 tour to South Africa, that didn’t feel right to me at the time (I was young and idolised the bloke), but right now, I don’t think I would be comfortable with Hilditch kicking Ponting out of the game either.  Others would obviously disagree with me on that though – and I am happy to debate.

The other, possibly more important, point is whether Clarke is an automatic choice as the next skipper.  Clearly he is the selectors’ favourite.  There can be no other explanation as to why he is still in charge of, let alone still being selected for, the Australian T20 side.  Clarke is an energetic and positive guy on the field, and usually (when his back is alright) an excellent fieldsman, but what of his tactics.  It it very easy to criticise Ponting for the way the bowlers have let England score 6/1137 over their past two innings, and for letting a fantastic chance to take the first test in India recently turn into a defeat, but would Clarke do any better?  On a recent trip back to the great Melbourne Cricket Ground, I was unfortunate enough to sit through the first Australia v Sri Lanka ODI.  I have never been more frustrated with the field positions, bowling changes or general rubbish that I saw from Clarke that day.  Most skippers in North D2 in the VTCA competition have more of a clue.  To me, and the sensationally knowledgeably bloke I was sitting next to, it seemed that Clarke really did not have a clue.  It might be a bit harsh to “judge” him on that one outing – but I haven’t seen or read anything to contradict this feeling from anyone else.

So, if Clarke is not the man to take us forward (again this is probably not really worth talking about, because the selectors have made their position pretty clear), who is?  In the current side, Katich is a very good Shield captain – but his career is essentially finished after the achilles injury – plus he is 35, and probably would have finished up in Sydney anyway.  Hussey is also 35, so that’s a no.   North shouldn’t even be in the side, Haddin is no Gilchrest and the bowlers are an interchangeable mess.  That leaves Watson – hell would freeze over first (and I would be one of many people immigrating)!  Thus, in the current side there is no identifiable replacement.  My preference is for Cam White, but that’s not going to happen, so I guess that means Australia is going to have to put up with Clarke, and even worse tactics than they currently have.   It could be a very long time until they start to climb back up the rankings.

3/ FIFA

What the hell?  Clearly related to money, bribes, oil and possibly the English media – Russia and Qatar have been awarded the 2018/2022 World Cups.  Is there really anything else to say?

Interestingly, the two bids rated the worst by the FIFA forward teams won.  The Russian PM didn’t even bother to go to Zürich to pitch, the day before, in possibly a veiled threat, he stated that the FIFA officials were so corrupt, and the decision had already been made, so there was no point.  Make of that what you will.

I’ve got nothing to say about Qatar – but this is an interesting comment (thanks to my pal in Manchester for pointing it out) – www.news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/9271449.stm  

Oh, it was fantastic to see KP do a KP on the Great Ocean Road!