Pun o’clock?

I have tried to start this piece about four times, and I just keep getting stuck.  It’s not because it’s a hard piece to write – in fact the selectors have made it way too easy.  It’s pun-heaven.  I woke up to an inbox full of funny references to beer, and I had no idea why.  My first thoughts were the discussions back home over where to head for Friday drinks had gotten out of hand … but then when the jovial beery references turned to outrage, anger and threats of violence, I realised that something was amiss.

It was on my 15th email that I finally realised that the selectors are actually evil robots programmed by the likes of Michael McIntyre and other similarly unfunny English comedians.  That or they were dropped on their heads a few too many times as children.  Maybe the vegetables have finally turned Greg Chappell mad.  I don’t know, all I do know is that Merv Hughes is suddenly quite grateful to be concentrating on his tours having been dumped as a selector – no one wants their name to this.

My favourite email was probably the story that Boonie was asking for a beer, not suggesting he be selected, or the proposed headline “Australians turn to beer after Adelaide thrashing” … not clever, not hard, but amusing.

I have nothing against the boy personally, in fact he’d never crossed my radar – and why would he have?  A struggling Melbourne park cricketer heads over to Perth to make a go of it, plays a few games, gets absolutely smoked most times, takes 16 wickets at near enough to 40.  But let’s get him in, because KP hates left arm orthodox.  For the record, according to cricinfo, Beer’s first class record is:

  • 5 Matches
  • 1065 balls (they don’t do overs anymore)
  • 639 runs
  • 16 wickets
  • Average of 39.93
  • Economy rate of 3.60
  • Strike rate of 66.5
  • Best figures of 3/39 in an innings, and 5/207 in a match.

Oh, he is averaging a sensational 3.5 with the bat with a highest score of 6.  Because what we really needed was to lengthen the tail.

I wish him the best of luck – but a spinner hasn’t debuted with such rubbish first class figures since Ashley Giles!  No, that’s a little unfair, Giles was better than that.

I feel for Hauritz – there is really nothing else to say, other than I hope he enjoyed his binge drinking test retirement party last night.

Smith for North is interesting – like for like I guess, inconsistent batsman and a decent “5th bowler” spinner.

The other questionable (although entirely unsurprising) decision, was to dump Doug the rug, while picking Johnson and Hilfenhaus in the squad (one of which, and possibly both, will play) when neither have played a competitive match since their axing after Brisbane. 

How is Ponting going to keep a straight face when asked about the team selections in the pre-Test interviews?  I’m pretty sure that if he is towing the party line this time, the word “excited” will come up a lot.

For once I am lost for words and I’ve got nothing to give on this … just nothing.

The selectors are on crack.

Although, it was nice to see the second string Victorian boys do in 38 balls what took Australia 697 balls to do in Brisbane and Adelaide – get Cook out once.  Good stuff!

On another note – following on from Warne the saviour – in an on-line poll from a major newspaper in Australia, 70% (out of over 25,000 respondents) of people think that Warne should return and be given the test captaincy! 

Wow … today is just a “wow” day for Australian cricket – and not in a Gilly smashing a ton in 58 balls kind of wow.

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